Roll the Dice

My dad’s biological father was a gambler.

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Tonight I’m
sitting around a table full of boys, watching them smoke and throw $1’s on a table full of beer and brightly colored chips. Gambling has never been something I’ve ever had a desire to be a part of. Vegas and it’s bright lights have never appealed to me. Testing my luck has never been my strong suit…well, at least not lately. Playing it safe is important sometimes, to balance out the seasons of our lives. But as I’m watching my boyfriend slowly gather more money as the hours roll on, I’m starting to think twice. He doesn’t have to put much in, but the more he risks his earnings, the higher it seems that he is rewarded…

My dad’s biological father, from what we know about him, was an avid gambler. I’ve never met the man, and he left our family before my dad could even speak, so much as remember knowing him. But he seemed to be a man who constantly put his life to chance. Gambling away the rewards life had given him.

As I type, my boyfriend has suddenly switched roles in this game of poker. 1 hour ago he started with 5 dollars in 1 dollar bills. 20 minutes ago, he was up to 20 dollars. And just a minute ago, he looked at me and laughed and said with a goofy smile on his face: I’m back down to 5!

I’ve never had the chance to meet my grandfather, because no one can find him. There are no records of him since before the 60’s. The man simply vanished…dealing with god knows what, with god knows who. And I wonder what it would’ve been like if he hadn’t had the urge to take the wrong chances in his life. Or maybe what the rest of us thought wasn’t worth the gamble, was just another roll of the dice to him.

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