Goodbye Marilyn.

So it’s 3 a.m.

The usual time I decide to write anything. I’m in a hotel room with my mom and grandma. They’re snoring. I’m sleeping on the couch in the opposite room…fancy hotel. For a while I have been having these moments where every embarrassing thing I have ever said/done/written/or tweeted comes flooding into my brain and I cringe outwardly…because I know I can’t take them back. They’ve been said, and done, and tweeted…and even if I went back and deleted these blog posts or statuses, they have still been read and have placed a tiny image in the minds of my friends or social media acquaintances. I think a lot of your life is spent cringing a bit at your past, learning to laugh at it, and then growing from it….

Speaking of this horrendous learning process, my best friends were blowing up my phone tonight. Because they are all newly single. Dumped, or in-between, or already moving on…One of my friends is still trying to salvage her relationship. She proceeds to drunk vent to me about “everyone judging her relationship instead of worrying about their own shit.” Basically, saying that her relationship problems aren’t nearly as complicated as some of our other friends. Their “boyfriends suck worse” or something…

I don’t know guys. I have enough trouble waking up before noon everyday vs. having a substantial healthy relationship.

I went on to tell her that no matter what, people will disappoint you. You could have the perfect relationship, but because we are human, we are going to stray off the path of normalcy and comfort. The promise is pretty much in learning how to forgive, and grow, and get better at being better to people.

The epitome of a good relationship to me, is in my favorite husband and wife band/duo: Drew & Ellie Holcomb. Everyone knows this. I love them, A little too much probably, but I know their story inside and out. In the common story that they tell on stage or off, it goes: They were best friends, he fought for her for years, she finally caved, they got married and made a band and voila! Best couple ever. But in one interview I watched on YouTube (its called “Drellie Story”…God, I’m a freak.) Anyway, in the telling of the story this time, they get a little more personal. Ellie tells the audience that before they got married, Drew says something along the lines of: “Ellie, I am going to hurt you eventually, that’s why you should rely on God first, me second.”

I’m over here thinking, naaah. Drew Holcomb is the man, and how could you hurt a girl like Ellie? Totally impossible….right?

Well, a few months ago I was stalking YouTube for new Drew Holcomb music I hadn’t heard when I found this:

Recently, Drew played on a cruise ship for some kind of tour…and apparently he wrote this song the night before, and played it for the audience the next day. Now, if you’re a real die hard fan like me, you would notice what I noticed the first time I heard this song. That name: Marilyn. I knew I had heard it mentioned in one of his songs before.. I just wasn’t sure which one. So I did some digging….

Found it: It’s in a song called “The Promised Land

In the song, he basically sings about the people who have helped him walk through life, getting him to the “Promised Land.” It has a line that goes:

“Marilyn was kind you see, that girl was always so good to me. Sometimes I thought I was in love. She taught me to laugh out loud and to cry more often, she was my new day joy.”

He then thanks her for helping him make it through. Pretty short and sweet, right? Just being the person that I am though, it sparked my interest that Marilyn seems to be the only other woman Drew has ever sung about besides Ellie. Most of the music actually entirely revolves around Ellie, how much he loves her, and their life together…so who is this chick?

That video from the cruise was really recent, probably within the last year. The song is obviously a goodbye to this girl who he seems to genuinely miss, or at least the memory of her. At one point he even says: ” I wish I had held you just a little bit longer.”

And I’m over here like: NOOOOOO DREWWWWWW. You are married to Ellie. Holcomb. How could this Marilyn even compare?

I know this is melodramatic and a tad obsessive, but I am a fan of reading way too much into things. Regardless, I didn’t want to destroy in my mind the image that is my power couple, so I forgot about it for awhile. When my friends started ranting though. it came back to me. This conflict even in the most sincere and well-meaning of relationships.

I’m not sure what I’m getting at with this post, and I’m pretty tired so I’m going to cut it off here

But it seems to be true that if you want any kind of long-lasting human relationship, you better learn how to forgive.

With that being said, I’m in a pretty healthy, functioning relationship with Netflix right now so….

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