So I recently updated my Grooveshark.
For those who don’t know what Grooveshark is, it is the only place I have found online (so far) that you can listen to any artist, at any time, and make any playlist, for free — disregarding Spotify, but I’m not sure how to work that because I just got Facebook again.
Anyway, I made a new playlist with the accumulation of songs I have gotten from the radio station, from riding around in the car with Jake, and anything I randomly hear that I put in my notes app on my phone. I titled the playlist: The Other Side of Joy.
Not quite sure what this means. It’s partially taken from a song on the playlist called: The Other Side of Mt. Heart Attack. But the title just came to me and so I went with it. There really wasn’t much logic behind it, it just had a ring to it. Although now, I’m curious as to what could be on the other side of joy. It seems like it would be something morose and sad (which isn’t really what the playlist is at all.) It’s actually one of the most upbeat ones I have made in a while.
Besides that, I was talking to one of my long lost friends today about life and he asked how I was doing and I said:
And he said: “Well when I picture your life I always see you doing fine.”
I thought that was weird because, usually I struggle through the day to day. And everyone who knows me well, knows this. Including him.
So I said:
“That’s strange, but it makes me feel better that you think that.”
And he said:
“I don’t know why, but you never have seen yourself the way the rest of the world sees you.”
And there it was.
I think I’ve been waiting for someone to say this to me for a good year now. Because its true. Somewhere along the way, we all lose ourselves. In other people, in new towns, in new experiences. And its not all “losing.” Actually, you find a lot of things about yourself in times of loss…but it can be a battle. Remembering who you were, and becoming who you are. Figuring out what to hold on to, and what to let fall into the shadows of your past.
I replied to him by saying:
“I don’t really know how other people see me.”
And he said: “Well, maybe that’s true. I don’t really know either, but I do know how I see you, and its really good.”
I re-blogged a post from Thought Catalog before I started writing this. It goes along with this post because it has to do with letting go of caring what others think about you. That really, the one’s who’s opinions matter the most are the ones helping you to achieve all that you want to be in life. We tend to select a few people, like drawing random cards out of a hat, and we give them a significant weight in the telling of the story of our lives. Sometimes I wake up and I wonder why these people are on the pedestals that I’ve given them. Some have been there since the very moment they came into my life. Explaining it is impossible, because its just where they’ve always been in my mind. Others hold pedestals, but they aren’t as…defining. These are actually the ones that should probably hold more weight on the pendulum in my brain. Regardless, my mind has sorted people into their “rightful” places, and I have accepted it for a long time.
This post made me re-think that though. My life lately, has made me re-think a lot of things.
Like the post suggests — if you take these people off of their pedestals, and you realize that even though to you, they are the world, to the rest of the world — they are just strangers. Which demeans their significance in your particular story a little, but it also helps you to see their humanity. Which is damn important. To see the truth in the world — the flaws and the beauty in the flaws.
Maybe this “Other Side of Joy” is what I’m finding after the big happiness-es, and then long periods of brokenness. After feeling lost for a little bit. Its what I find when friends tell me that when they picture me living my day to day life, I look like I’m doing just fine. I love that.
The Other Side of Joy is starting to be more joy.
What a weird contradiction.
Here is my playlist:
http://grooveshark.com/#!/playlist/The+Other+Side+Of+Joy/91125271 (to continually be added to.)
Here are some really, really good people:
Oh, and here is my new friend Levi’s blog! Read his stuff. Such an intelligent guy: