I’ve had a Facebook for about a month now.
It all started when my boss, Benny, forced me to re-join the cyber world. our conversation:
Me: Benny, I know we have a Facebook group for the Music Department, but you don’t understand… I haven’t had one in two years for a reason.
Benny: Tori, if you don’t get a Facebook, you can’t be on the Music Department.
Me: *weeping internally*
It started off innocent. My profile picture was of Clint Eastwood. My only friends were on the Music Department. And then one day I got bored and thought…I’ll add my 4 best friends. Ok…maybe my Dad, I like him. Oh shit, my Aunt will never forgive me if I don’t friend her back. Damn it Nana, really? I don’t want to play the slots with you. Crap, I GOTTA see those pictures from middle school from that girl I haven’t talked to in 5 years…guess I should friend her too.
And now I’m back into the loop.
It’s 6 a.m. on a Saturday, and I’m wide awake.
And I have successfully rehashed my past (via 8th grade-present) through my friend’s various Facebooks. Proud moment.
A lot of the time, there is some obvious cringing. Like the pictures from 8th grade before I waxed my eyebrows and look like a pre-pubescent boy. Or just remembering the kind of person you were a year ago. Or two years ago. It’s kind of why I hated Facebook. It’s like an online diary. And then I thought of this blog, and how many things I write (and then cringe about only months later.) The cycle goes on.
The last time I wrote, I was talking about taking chances, and how I always TALK about it, but never actually..you know, take them. Well, slowly but surely I’m trying things, and its crazy cool how just trying something can give you peace. And no, its not ever a finite answer, but somehow it can tell you: OK, this is not really for me…but its a part of me. Or, HEY, this is good. I’m gonna stick with this.
Probably sounds like a lot of nonsense to you guys but, its been making sense to me.
Another good thing about all of this, is I feel like I’m finally embracing these new people in my life, as actual important characters in my story. Before, it was like the new people were just strangers attached to some good experiences. Now they actually are becoming apart of this new…me, I guess? Which means more of my old life is slipping away. And although that’s hard, I think its life showing me a painful truth and yet a subtle grace all at the same time.
that we lose, but that life goes on.
as a great writer once said:
“Nothing behind me, everything ahead of me, as is ever so on the road.”