Change or DIE.

This is what my Sociology of Religion professor ended his lecture with today, as we concluded the last class of the semester.

It’s one of the only classes I’ve actually been to this week, as I’ve intentionally been skipping all of them in hopes to permanently wreck my GPA and be forced to drop out.

I’m kind of kidding in the way that people say “just kidding” when they are definitely not kidding.

I wish I had a prettier answer for people. Something that didn’t involve my own laziness or complete lack of interest in college the past year and a half but, here it is. I don’t want to do it anymore. (Whether I actually get the guts to take action about it will be determined this summer)

I decided to go to this class today though, because my professor, although quite the lover of his own voice, usually has something profound to say. I decided that I would make the last ditch effort to sit in on one more class. The discussion revolved around what we had learned this semester, blah, blah…but then he asked us this: “Why do some people truly believe ignorance is bliss?”

He was referring specifically to the kids in the class who’s conservative¬†parents definitely did not want them to take the course, but we took it as a broad topic. So, why do we choose not to believe things? Why don’t we open our eyes?

A lot of the answers centered around our uncomfortability with change. People tend to like what they know, and we fear the things we don’t understand. All I feel lately is change, and even when I cling to everything around me like a life-preserver, it just seems to make the change come on stronger.

When I came here I was determined to be myself. To stand up for the things I believe in, whether that meant being embarrassingly honest or involved pain on my own behalf. I go back and forth. Some days I’m so ready to just go conquer the world, and others I wish I could just go home. And by home I don’t even mean a place, you know? Its a feeling. Its certain people that take us there.

Anyway, So my professor ends the class with: “Change, or die. Its the way the world works, so you better get used to it.”

Word for Word.

I still don’t know how I feel about change.

A lot of times it happens without us even noticing it. We worry and break and worry some more, and before we know it, we wake up one morning and some of that pain has disappeared. Change has inevitably come. Other times we must force change. Like trying to put a key into a lock that doesn’t fit, but we try anyway. (Weird metaphor) But sometimes we have to just try new things, even when we know they are going to fail.

Whether we stumble easily into change or we are dunked down and drowned in it until we have to accept it, my professor was right, change will come.

Its the scariest thing I’ve had to face since entering my “adult life.” (whatever that means)

Although its totally terrifying, I am so grateful for the people in my life who are guiding me along the way. From my brother, to my best friends, and especially to my roommate who found me passed out in his tub, drunk, with throw up all over his bathroom floor, at 5am (extra thank you…..) I’ve decided I will always be embarrassing. I’m ok with it because, its funny.

So here’s to this summer, and my plans that will never work, and the ones that might, and trying to have as much fun as I can in between.

And here is a song that describes my life as of late:

 

“No im not giving up, no I will move on forward. I’m gonna raise my sail. God knows what I’m headin’ towards. Yeah I’m out in the waves and I’m hopin’ and prayin’, please let this wind blow me home. And night after night there’s an empty horizon, my god do I feel so alone.”

But sometimes life, and most times I, feel just like a sailboat.

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4 thoughts on “Change or DIE.

  1. OK, yeah, so I went this far back and probably actually much further, but I’m not gonna go back and find all of the ones that I liked back there– just know that I do like them. I will tell you though, I thought that ted talk about doubt being essential to faith was really interesting, and also I like that Manhattan song, which is actually in a more recent post than this, I think. But the reason I’m on this post is because I like an idea in it, the one about coming home as being a feeling and or sort of like a mental thing. That’s true, I’ve come to find, and I dunno, it’s definitely an idea that I’d like to expand on sometime. And so, I dunno, thank you, and happy writing!

    • Levi! Thanks so much. Lets get coffee sometime, you’re a super intelligent guy with so much good to say. I’ll keep reading your blog! Hopefully we can give each other pointers.

      • Yeah definitely! I’m gonna facebook you my number for the next time you’re in chatt. I know how much you love using that site. And also, my number has sort of become my direct line for pointers. I only ask that you don’t use it as your fake number when guys are begging for yours.

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