I still remember my best friend Corinne giving me this advice when we were 14 years old:
“Always expect the worst. That way when good things happen, you’ll be surprised.”
I think life can harden us; numb us to the pain of expectations. Especially with social media and the way we interact these days, its hard to decipher the real from the fake. The pieces of us that we put out to the world to make a statement, or to express ourselves. To reconnect, or the worst kind, which I see too often (and have been guilty of myself), to hurt someone else.
So we see what other people want us to see.
We believe what they want us to believe about them.
And we take these knocks, whether it be from social media, or in real life, for a reason: they say…
because it builds character
- to learn a lesson
- to not repeat our mistakes
- to understand what forgiveness means
because it makes you stronger.
Sometimes, I wonder what that word even means.
That I’m better in some way now, than I was before?
That I’ve gotten better, at being better, at being happy?
That now, I understand it all.
We get accustomed to expecting the worst out of people. People who we love knock us down, and pick us back up, and dust us off, and then knock us down again, and we run after them.
because we’ve been the bad guy too.
we’ve pushed them down, and picked them back up, and laughed, and smiled, and dusted them off, and then pushed them back down again.
and the cycle goes on.
We build the walls, tightly, around our hearts.
Sometimes I think I can literally feel mine closing in, like a fortress around a castle or a cage locking shut, closing it all in; keeping my heart safe from the thing I fear, which just keeps getting closer and closer.
I listened to this song as I drove home to Knoxville tonight.
it has this line that goes:
“Fear is a friend, that you’ve misunderstood.”
I just kept rewinding the chorus over and over, so I could try and understand.
How can fear be a friend?
The rest of the line says:
“But I know the heart of life is good.”
We see pain, and we recognize it, and we feel it, because its real.
We fear it.
and We expect it.
My dad told me today that “I’m good at recognizing things for what they are.”
I tend to live 90% of my life with my head in the clouds, but part of me believes him.
And all of me believes everything that I’ve just written.
But the thing about hope that I love so much, is that even when it has been pushed to the ground, and battered, and bruised, and its bleeding for someone or something else,
it tells you to not give up.
the truth is, the heart of it,
is really good.
and even though its 100% proven to hurt,
keep expecting the best out of the people you love.
especially if you believe in them.