Aside

I Think I Lost my Arrow…

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I went home this weekend and got hit with nostalgia like a ton of bricks.

The weird thing is, I can’t remember being this girl. It really doesn’t even feel like I know that its me when I look at the picture. I think I’m going through a phase in life where I feel — disconnected.

I’ve separated myself from home and the person who I was back then. I would say I’ve changed a lot just in the past year, and I probably have, but most of it just feels more like I know myself better (rather than completely changed.) Most of these parts of me (weird, and uncomfortable, and alarming) were all here already, just tucked behind insecurities and fear.

Sometimes I’m afraid I’m too open of a book.

I’m so accustomed to change, that I’m almost afraid I embrace it too much. Like I can’t figure out who I am, or what I want, because every day is new and I just morph into some other form of me. Yeah, I don’t get it either. Its weird. I guess time will help.

So three artists I’ve been obsessed with lately who have been singing my problems away:

  1. Drew Holcomb (duh.)
  2. Kacey Musgraves
  3. The Tallest Man on Earth

everyone’s got their own set of troubles, everyone’s got their own set of blues. everyone’s got their own set of struggles, walk a mile in another man’s shoes.

This song helps me feel better about my own — junk. It says: “if you ain’t learned that by now, go ahead walk another mile.” Sometimes I forget that I’m not the only person on the planet that feels this way, or is alive for that matter (stuck in my own bubble 90% of the time.) This is also sort of my life mantra without me realizing it. I have this problem, where I have to understand everything. I know I never will get it all, but I’m gonna die trying, and that means walking in a lot of other shoes besides my own. Which is scary.

so make lots of noise, and kiss lots of boys, or kiss lots of girls, if that’s somethin’ you’re into. when the straight and narrow gets a little too straight, roll up a joint, or don’t, just follow your arrow wherever it points.

I respect the heck out of Kacey Musgraves. I love her hillbilly twang with honest lyrics. This song is all about being exactly who you are — following your arrow “wherever it points.” The problem with my arrow right now, is it is pointing in like 50 million directions. I’m going to try to just go with whatever feels good.

still the day is never done, but there’s a light on where your sleeping, so I hope someday the troubles will be gone.

If I showed you my sketchbook for my video class (which is more of a book of doodles then anything else) you would see The Tallest Man on Earth’s lyrics just barfed up all over it. This is by far my favorite new artist that I have found recently, and if I had the energy I’d dedicate a post just to my favorite songs — but I don’t. This one is called “Troubles Will Be Gone” and yeah, it’s pretty simple. I like it because of that.

Anyway, I guess I’m just feeling a little weird about everything right now, but regardless, I do have this great sense of hope that follows me around — making me choose to believe that I’m really going to be just fine. At least when I’m surrounded by this core of people that I’ve loved from the very beginning. That sure is saying something.

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yes, I am definitely the freak eating the shoe. this is how these things start…

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momma. lovin’.

afterlight (2)

p.s. happy birthday to my super incredible brother! still the funniest guy I know. love you.

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