I have been sick with a flu like virus, with no treatment, for 4 days. In the last month, I’ve gotten towed and had two speeding tickets. My phone broke. Tonight I sat down to edit my video for class, and my computer crashed. I went to the media lab, they kicked me out. I work every night this week and have a speech, a paper, and two essays due.
So why do I just not care?
Is it something innate within me that knows that all of this stuff is just… temporary?
I mean, maybe I should be worrying about this stuff instead of the things that usually take up space in my brain. Like people, and their fates, and the fact that I have no control over them, and that freaks me out.
But school, and my car, and possessions.. I just don’t care. I probably would if someone took them away though (since I’m typing this on my phone.)
I think people: like my family, probably look at the way that I live my life and think, “she is a mess.”
They’re right. I am. I probably always will be. No one really will ever have all their shit together… But as I sat down to type this, I ripped a tear in my brand new shirt. This should have been the final straw. I should’ve snapped and given up, but I’m just sitting here..not even close to freaking out, and I think that says something.
Like, that maybe I can take a lot.
Maybe I’m stronger than I give myself credit for.
Maybe I should go upstairs, watch catch and release, make a list of stuff to handle tomorrow, and go to bed.