So the other night I sat down and finally made a plan for my life.
Now that I’m writing this, I’m pretty much laughing at myself…because by the time you’re almost 21 years old, if you haven’t realized that most of your “plans” for your life haven’t worked out, then you’re either a living miracle or in denial of reality. Two years ago I thought I was going to be a teacher, was going to a private christian college, and felt like I had everything under control. Now, I’m at a school I swore I’d never go to while I was in high school, living a completely different life than I ever thought I would have — and its better. (by the way)
There is still a lot I can’t explain about how I got to this point in my life, but if there is one thing I know — it’s that I’ve never feltmore like myself. This whole college/growing up thing is supposed to be about owning and finding out who you are, or more importantly, who you want to be. I feel like I’m finally honest with just about everyone around me. I do the things that make me happy, I believe the things I know to be true for myself, I keep my mind open — but in the end, I know what I want.
So I have these “plans”, and I’m almost afraid to even speak of them for fear of jinxing myself, but maybe when/if life takes me down a different road, I can look back at this and say “Whaat, that actually happened.” or “HA. what was I thinking?” or maybe even, but hopefully not, “Man, I really wish I would have done that…”
Here’s the plan:
- Graduate by May 2014 (or December 2014 if you just can’t do it)
- Finish my Major in Global Studies, Minor in Cinema Studies (no mo Journalism)
- Apply for the Peace Corps in the Summer of this year
- Try to go to Honduras this summer with Nourish International
- Leave for the Peace Corps after graduation
So yeah, the Peace Corps thing…always seemed like something they only talked about in movies until I went to college and found out it was actually a very tangible possibility. I remember one night my freshman year at Lipscomb, I spent 5 hours online researching about the Peace Corps while sticking my head in our mini fridge because the A/C was broken… Fate stepped in last week when the Peace Corps recruiter just happened to be eating at the restaurant I work at. Needless to say I tracked her down, asked her 15 million questions, and got her contact info. Next thing I know, I’m in her office talking to her about all my options and the next steps I should take to get there…
My dad and I were having another one of our ridiculously long phone conversations the other night, where he keeps reminding me to “follow my dreams” blah blah… I’m confessing to him that I’ve about had it with being a student and wish I could just do the volunteering thing already. That’s when he said this:
“Find that one thing you know you want to do, and focus everything else around it.”
For me, I really think this is it. I need to graduate so I can get there, and as scared as I am thinking about it and somewhat indecisive about it, it’s something I’ve dreamt about for too long now…
This may be another one of those plans I look back on in 2 years and laugh at… but something about it tells me that it’s not. For now though, I should just focus on making it through finals week and saving my car from Dan’s Demon Towing Company and paying the $140 fee that resulted from my own laziness/stupidity.
(hey neighbor, thanks for towing my car — it’s my fault, but you still suck)
No matter how far these songs take me, If my dreams come true, or the heartaches break me. No matter where I make my bed — I long for you, Tennessee. I was born here, and raised here, and I’ll make my grave here. It’s home, Tennessee.