Goodbye’s too Good a Word.

there are a million other things i should be doing right now.

seriously. i have tons of homework, and flyers to make, and people to email..but i’m sitting here knowing i need to write, and i have no idea what i’m going to say. i guess im just hoping that the words will come.

for a long, long time i have been incredibly selfish. i guess this is natural, but i hate it about myself. as humans, we tend to do things in order to gain some form of reward. we had a debate in psychology my junior year of high school about whether it was really possibly to ever do something 100% for someone else, and not for yourself. think about it. even when you’re giving to the poor or feeding orphans in foreign nations, you still get a reward — a feeling of worth from it. so even when i say “im doing this for so and so” or when i put my feelings aside for somebody else’s, i still feel like i’m not doing it right, you know? i’m still not humbled enough.

this weekend, and tonight especially, have been full of incredibly humbling moments.

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i love watching old friends who are letting themselves fall in love for the first time, or witnessing my brother seek out what he really wants to do with his life in the face of a lot of adversity. i am overwhelmingly grateful for my incredible parents who always have my back..seriously, i don’t know how i got so blessed. i am so humbled by the joy these people bring to my life. i only hope i can give some back.

and then there are the painful humbling moments. the ones where you genuinely feel for the first time, the hurt that you have caused another. the realization that sometimes, things are exactly how they seem. and trusting that those who are no longer a part of your life, are finding exactly what they are looking for. a truth other than their own, that fits.

i saw some sign the other day that said: “look beyond your own happiness”.

i want to do things for other people, simply because i love them, and not get anything in return.

that’s what love is really all about in the end, isn’t it?

in what you can give to someone else — to help them get through all of this too.

“Heck, Groceries – you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It’s your destiny.”

– Eat, Pray, Love.

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